This miserable combination is almost over. I have known about it over the past week, but it was so depressing I couldn’t even bring myself to write about it. The best way to sum it up would be aggressive self criticism for not meeting expectations at a deeply intense level. I had the feeling that I was clearly failing at this human experience and had no idea what to do about it. It was a sobering, humbling, bring us to our knees time and I am super glad that it’s on its way out the door. If you did anything self destructive to deal with it, like I did, then it’s time to shrug it off, pick up the pieces and move on. The take away is that while uncomfortable, the experience of seeing how we are failing our expectations, is an opportunity to re-evaluate those expectations, as well as the perspective on our current reality. It’s never as bad as Saturn says it is. It just isn’t. And what we think we should be doing with our lives is never as great as we think it will be either. Remember all those fervent dreams we had in junior high school, aren’t we so grateful half of them didn’t come true? So take a moment to call bullshit on all of it, and then ask yourself, what’s really important to me now that I can do today, and whatever that is, go do it.

“Through effort one opens a channel through which grace may flow.” — Stephen Arroyo

He’s talking about the way Saturn and Neptune work together. Saturn represents effort, the steps you take to reach your goal, and Neptune represent grace, what is given to you just because. It’s nice if your Saturn and Neptune work together in your chart, so that if you put out some effort, you get lucky in the same direction you were efforting. For example, you work hard to get a job interview, they hire you for a job even better than the one for which you applied. Fantastic, but what if your Saturn and Neptune are at odds? Then it seems to work a bit differently. You work hard to get a job interview, and you don’t get any job, but on your way out the door, you meet the love of your life who just happened to be visiting from Cambodia, so you move there together and start a chicken farm.

It feels like all your efforts pay off backwards, and that is exactly right. It doesn’t mean that you should stop making any efforts, because making the effort is key, it’s just that you need to be a bit more flexible, openminded, and emotionally strong to handle the grace coming at you from places least expected. I think that the true meaning of being gracious is the ability to gracefully accept this kind of grace, the kind that you didn’t want and couldn’t even imagine. 

 

P.S. I read somewhere on the Internets that one should put a picture with every post. While this is a great idea, so far I’ve only found pictures I like that illegal to steal or ones you have to buy that look like generic stock photos. So…I know you talented photographers have awesome pictures just sitting there on your computer wishing they could be used on my blog. Please send me some!!! I will use them. If they don’t seem astrology-ish, no big deal, I will make it work.

We are going to get some Air, some light at the end of this Earth tunnel.  One of the nice things about the planets is that they keep moving.  Sun is now in Gemini and Moon will go into Aquarius tomorrow, stimulating Saturn in Libra, making it a great time to rewrite our relationships.  Take four pieces of paper, write down everything you love about your relationship on the first page and put it aside.  On the second page, write down everything you don’t like to everything you hate, then rip it up and throw that page away. On the third page, write down everything you wish you had, your ideal relationship. Then rip that up and throw it away too, because we are working with Saturn here not Neptune or Jupiter, so let’s get down to what’s real.  Then on the last page write down three things you are willing to commit to doing to improve the relationship, however slightly. Post first and fourth pages on the fridge, because that is what Saturn in Libra is all about, gratitude for the unique relationship you DO have, and steps you are willing to take yourself to make it better. Here is a picture of Saturn’s spectacular rings, said to be made up of comets, moons, and astroids that were bashed up in coming to close to the planet. Funny how this harsh planet is so beautiful.

Libra has a  hard time making decisions.  Now that Saturn is in there, not only will it be hard, but now it seems really important too.  Saturn will tell us that we HAVE to make the RIGHT decision and we better do it PROPERLY and RIGHT NOW and if we do the WRONG one, we are BAD BAD BAD and there will be TERRIBLE consequences.  It’s a good time to remind ourselves that according to some, it’s all written anyway and therefore it has to be written already what decision we made, and not even within our power.  So let’s relax a bit enjoy the journey.  It’s not about what decision we make but HOW we make it, and then WHAT WE MAKE OF IT, whatever it is. Currently we are pretending to choose where we will live next.   What are you pretending to choose?

Saturn has been transiting my first house since September 2009, and according to cafe Astrology and others this is a great time to deal with one’s physical body, ie get in shape, be healthy, quit eating chocolate covered butter, etc.  And so it was.  I just got a job at a horse barn in Los Angeles, where everyone was super healthy.  In addition to riding and working, I studied Pilates three times a week, and not just any Pilates, but Fletcher Pilates, which is super Saturnian.  I felt strong and solid (although still shaky in the self esteem area) and then Saturn hit the land mine in my first house, Pluto.

Naively I had predicted that Saturn would whip my Pluto into shape, who has always worked a bit like a bull in a china shop, as in, “Hi, what about me, isn’t this awkward?”  Saturn was going to put an end to all that, he was going to put a bow on Pluto and make her socially presentable.

No, of course it didn’t happen. Instead I got pregnant that day and was immediately infused with the I don’t give a fuck hormone that took me off the horse and onto the couch. By the end of it I think I gained over 65 pounds. I have a beautiful amazing baby now, which is awesome, but I have absolutely no healthy relationship to my body.

Now, I don’t want to go back to working out just to please society and attempt to gain some superficial self esteem, but can we get Saturn and Pluto working together somehow and develop some sort of solid, healthy physical routine and attitude before Saturn leaves my first house?  Please? Any ideas?