Aries – PCP- remember that guy who killed his girlfriend and then ATE her???  That’s just your appetizer, followed by bungee jumping, extreme rock climbing and cutting off your own arm.

Taurus – A pot brownie- made with imported single-origin Madagascar chocolate, of course. followed by a  catered seven course meal and a 10 hour nap in a king size bed with silk sheets.

Gemini – Anything once- for science, chased with lots of espresso while texting the effects to your vast network of people you met briefly.

Cancer – Wine from the cellar- sipped from your favorite chipped mug, wrapped in your Nanna’s blanket, curled up on your padded rocking chair, fluffy cat on your lap, moon shining through the window.

Leo – Extacsy- preferably at one of those dancing parties, with a stage, and no one else on it but you…ok, maybe a live band, in the background.

Virgo – Addreall – you organize all the closets in the house, the refrigerator and the pantry, then you pot herbs in matching pots with labels and alphabetize them along the kitchen window, finally, you prepare three types of food for the dog and cat.

Libra – Prozac, chased with Valium- keeps you looking pretty, relaxed and happy when you’re totally freaked out trying to guess what other people are thinking and  hopelessly weighing your options to unsuccessfully make that decision you were supposed to make five years ago.

Scorpio – Peyote and Spanish Fly- breaking taboos and spiritual awakening, what could be better? Oh yeah, you do this while wandering around a haunted house with a well-known psychic.

Sagittarius – LSD – it’s like getting to travel to other realms, expand the mind, see more, be more, experience more, more, and then some. It’s awesome. You take too much, of course, and end up in the emergency room, where the nurses all love you and want to marry you.

Capricorn – Coke – the best, most expensive kind, which you dole out to the guy who thinks he’s your boss and anyone else that might be useful to you on your way up the life’s ladder.

Aquarius – You make your own- no one has heard of it, but it’s awesome, like you are. Basically it squashes those few pesky emotions that somehow sneaked through your strong rational philosophy, allowing you to be even more freaky, stubborn, and unique as you single-mindedly work on your project of world unification.

Pisces – Any one of the opiates, or all of them- while laying on a broken, lopsided bed, staring at a wall of jellyfish and listening to Morrissey.

Virgo – The permanent look of pain you are complaining about seeing on my face is due to the fact that I’m watching you perform so far beneath your potential it is physically hurting me.

Libra – Quit asking me what I think and take the freaking lead already, I will follow and look fabulous.

Scorpio – Half my friends are already dead, the other half I’m having sex with.

Sagittarius – DId I just offend you? Are you kidding me? STFU and learn something already!

Capricorn – I already know exactly what to use you for.

Aquarius – Did that go how you thought it would? No, didn’t think so.

Pisces – I’m either drunk, stoned, or enlightened. I can’t tell which.

Aries – Who are you, and why do I care? Oh yeah, I don’t.

Taurus – Peace, Food & Comfort

Gemini – Hi, nice to meet you. You’re so interesting, oh and now your boring.

Cancer – You can find me at home. Always.

Leo – Stand, cheer, and throw your undergarments at me.

 

 

Capricorn Moon wants to get things done, check items off the eternal lists, move forward.  Yesterday it rolled over Pluto, who is now going forward, and that feeling was just intensified by one million.  Today we feel the four planets in Libra screaming, “But what about…” If we listen to them too long, moon gets depressed, feels smothered, and Uranus in Aries joins in with helpful random inspirations and drives that go against any plan you have ever had.  I think the way out of this is to spend time with your friends, entertain random ideas of action gracefully (Libra and Aries) and take steps every day along your plan (Moon).  It’s not going to feel good.  I told my husband that I felt like the gas and break was on at the same time and he said, take the car out of gear.  If the tension gets too much, do this.  Take yourself out of gear for a moment and coast, that’s always an option.

Great time to jump headfirst off whatever wagon your on and overdo everything.  Personally I have gone on a sugar, dairy, gluten full diet and I feel great, or at least not completely horrible.  On a more positive note, it’s a perfect time to be brave about whatever you’ve been scared about.  Have that emotional talk with your SO that you’ve been avoiding, explore something new in your neighborhood you’ve been thinking about, or go ahead and take that trip you totally deserve.  Whatever it is, do it, life is too short to live in fear.

I cleaned my house today, like never before.  Well, at least not since The Baby.  Laundry, papers, filed, cat stuff, kitchen, everything had to be cleaned.  I am assuming that the moon in Aries along with the five other planets, helped make a nice home for Taurus sun.  What did you do with your Aries moon today?

I woke up on fire today, the couch had to go.  It was an overstuffed, under supporting monstrosity that lulled us into many a movie watching, ice cream eating wasted evening.  I had been to the gym one day and studied the results of that couch in the wall to wall mirrors with horror.  The couch had to go.  I was sure of it, but then I felt all kinds of bad for The Husband, who might miss the couch and the friends that stop by, who would have no where to sit, and The Baby, who liked to nurse on the couch at times.  I noticed myself doing extensive mind reading, second guessing, and what do you think behavior making a total mess of the whole morning.  It’s a weird dynamic, to be both fiercely driven and want everything to be OK with everyone else. Saturn being in Libra, makes me be extremely frustrated and impatient with the relationship part of the drama.  My goal, until Saturn moves on to Scorpio, is to be actively nicer.  Not just mind reading and hoping it’s all OK, but, since Saturn is all about work, putting in the work to make it all work, without sacrificing the Aries drive of course.  And ideas how???

To Aries almost every one…well at least five of them.  Balance that out with what?  Saturn in Libra.  Yes that’s right, you can either go pioneering with Mercury, Mars, Venus, Jupiter, and Uranus or you can work on your relationships with Saturn.  Gee…I wonder what people will choose.  Talk, argue, make up, feel good, go crazy or take painfully responsible steps to feel depressed about it all.  We are all going to take the Aries route, why bother even trying to fight it?  I guess we should consider Pluto in Capricorn as another non viable option.  No, we are all going pioneering.  The backlash should be interesting.