Neptune is back in it’s home sign, Pisces. Lots of astrologers have been writing brilliant things about this, the gist being that intuition is strong and intellectualism in history. My personal take on this combo is that it’s just too much water. It’s like trying to hang out with two best friends who have all these inside jokes and finish each others confusing sentences while you are left playing with your hair wondering how many times you can excuse yourself to go to the bathroom with out it seeming weird. All that water in one place can be overwhelming. The thing to do is to be like Nemo and just keep swimming. Don’t worry too much about trying to “know” or “plan” things, just keep putting one flipper in front of the other and eventually you will get picked up by a current. And when that happens, you can just float.

Aries – PCP- remember that guy who killed his girlfriend and then ATE her???  That’s just your appetizer, followed by bungee jumping, extreme rock climbing and cutting off your own arm.

Taurus – A pot brownie- made with imported single-origin Madagascar chocolate, of course. followed by a  catered seven course meal and a 10 hour nap in a king size bed with silk sheets.

Gemini – Anything once- for science, chased with lots of espresso while texting the effects to your vast network of people you met briefly.

Cancer – Wine from the cellar- sipped from your favorite chipped mug, wrapped in your Nanna’s blanket, curled up on your padded rocking chair, fluffy cat on your lap, moon shining through the window.

Leo – Extacsy- preferably at one of those dancing parties, with a stage, and no one else on it but you…ok, maybe a live band, in the background.

Virgo – Addreall – you organize all the closets in the house, the refrigerator and the pantry, then you pot herbs in matching pots with labels and alphabetize them along the kitchen window, finally, you prepare three types of food for the dog and cat.

Libra – Prozac, chased with Valium- keeps you looking pretty, relaxed and happy when you’re totally freaked out trying to guess what other people are thinking and  hopelessly weighing your options to unsuccessfully make that decision you were supposed to make five years ago.

Scorpio – Peyote and Spanish Fly- breaking taboos and spiritual awakening, what could be better? Oh yeah, you do this while wandering around a haunted house with a well-known psychic.

Sagittarius – LSD – it’s like getting to travel to other realms, expand the mind, see more, be more, experience more, more, and then some. It’s awesome. You take too much, of course, and end up in the emergency room, where the nurses all love you and want to marry you.

Capricorn – Coke – the best, most expensive kind, which you dole out to the guy who thinks he’s your boss and anyone else that might be useful to you on your way up the life’s ladder.

Aquarius – You make your own- no one has heard of it, but it’s awesome, like you are. Basically it squashes those few pesky emotions that somehow sneaked through your strong rational philosophy, allowing you to be even more freaky, stubborn, and unique as you single-mindedly work on your project of world unification.

Pisces – Any one of the opiates, or all of them- while laying on a broken, lopsided bed, staring at a wall of jellyfish and listening to Morrissey.

Virgo – The permanent look of pain you are complaining about seeing on my face is due to the fact that I’m watching you perform so far beneath your potential it is physically hurting me.

Libra – Quit asking me what I think and take the freaking lead already, I will follow and look fabulous.

Scorpio – Half my friends are already dead, the other half I’m having sex with.

Sagittarius – DId I just offend you? Are you kidding me? STFU and learn something already!

Capricorn – I already know exactly what to use you for.

Aquarius – Did that go how you thought it would? No, didn’t think so.

Pisces – I’m either drunk, stoned, or enlightened. I can’t tell which.

Aries – Who are you, and why do I care? Oh yeah, I don’t.

Taurus – Peace, Food & Comfort

Gemini – Hi, nice to meet you. You’re so interesting, oh and now your boring.

Cancer – You can find me at home. Always.

Leo – Stand, cheer, and throw your undergarments at me.